Journey Begins

Tik tok tik tok…as the time makes it’s eternal forward march, i am wondering what’s next? I feel the urge to do something and i feel compelled to do nothing. Conflicting feelings perplexes me. It feels as if this eternal march of time is pulling me, pushing me, coercing me towards future. Towards future that i am in no hurry to find out and yet anxious to discover. It is a paradox which teases me and plays with me yet i feel strangely peaceful.

You may discover as i have, once set free from the mysterious web we call system, the world around turns into an aura of strange properties. You are split in half. Your body performing actions and mind dwelling in void, the world unknown. Tik tok tik tok…at one moment, I am sitting at the window, sipping coffee, rain blurring the Michigan lake view in tiny infinite droplets. At another I am falling in void, never ending dark hole. I await my future, your future, our future with dispassion and interest. My mind is filled with conflicting thoughts as if right side of three pounder blended into the left. I think such transformation can happen when you are jolted out of your dream state and shown the reality. It feels like i have been hanging upside down for over so many aeons that time sieze to exist and all you know is void filled with never ending tik tok tik toks. You may wonder how I know its been enternity. I do know. There is a watch facing me, you, us. Laughing at me, you, us. Pointing its three fingers in various direction pointing out our helplessness and pathetic state we are in and worst we are headed towards. Time always finds state of helplessness as its biggest triumph. Pointing and accusing and fulfilling.

Its constant tik tok tik tok annoying me, filling me up by one tik one tok at a time, draining me by one tik one tok at a time. By now I cannot even remember how I landed up at this god forsaken place. My memory fails me. Am I going to die hanging upside down?Is this the end? I ask and a faint smile appears on my face. The idea of death, entering in a ghost world, sounds so inviting. I have never felt so confident about the end of any kind. I just wish for this insanity to end. See I was an ambitious, optimist, hard working fool with a various college degrees. I have a job which can be considered great compared to what people have these days. I was loking foward to next review and next bonus. But it was all before this hanging upside down business started making sense. I had seen the dots but picture only started emerging over past few weeks. Three months can undo two decades of doing. I feel i am enlightened.

The truth is nothing. We are nothing. Nothing matters. No reason matters. No effort matters. The grand design rules. We go around trying to plan what may appear as chaotic web called life. We plan for retirement, we plan for wedding, we plan for kids, we plan for better future, we plan for bad times and sadly some of us even plan for thier death. It is our frugal attempt to manage so called chaos. But only tiny problem is that universe has different plan. Yes, universe has its own plan. The plan of universe trumps every other plan. Universe is moving towards ultimate complexity at all times with increasing speed. Our plans dont matter. Our plans are almost always heading directly against the goal of ultimate complexity. We are bound to fail. Ultimate complexity must be achieved. Thats the grand design. Our plans, stimulus and bailouts will not succeed. Thats how simple it it.

You may say that I have lost my mind. I say try accepting that you are hanging upside down while hearing tik tok tik tok do its work. I await my fate. I await the end. I await the new beginning...